Through the Rabbit Hole

I haven't posted on personal issues on this blog, but there some important things that I think I should share. It has been building up for a while now. Bear with me. If anybody is reading this, but doesn't feel like reading about my personal problems, skip this post.

About a month ago I and my wife decided to separate. Our marriage was in trouble for a long time before that (for about year), so this decision didn't come out of the blue. In the past several weeks, I reflected on the last year and realized just how unhappy I was. While we are on ok terms at the moment, and would do everything we can to ease the situation for our kids, too much bitterness had accumulated and is poisoning almost every interaction we have. At the moment, the situation can't be helped. In fact, our relationship had improved slightly after we decided to separate. I guess, to a degree we both feel relieved, and are trying to move forward (I certainly do). It isn't easy, and will certainly have an impact on our kids, but, in the end, I think it will be for the best. This way we both can get on with our lives (we are still young). Only time will tell.

Over the last couple of weeks, I had a friend, who is in a somewhat similar situation, help me through. I found that I can still interact with people, and that was a major thing. I am deeply grateful to her for all the help, and I am also trying to help her through her rough times. It's strange. I always thought myself as self-sufficient -- basically not needing anyone, but she showed me just how much I missed that human component. I hope it will make me a better person in the long run, as I begin this new stage in my life. I just realized something this morning. I've become a true Israeli. For those who don't know, Israelis who are born in Israel call themselves "tzabarim". Tzabar is a fruit from a cactus. It is tough and has needles on the outside, but soft inside. :)

As Danny in the Song of Ice and Fire keeps saying, "If I turn back I am lost." I don't regret my life so far. It had many good moments and gave me two beautiful children, but it is time to look ahead.